Page 47 - No Apologies

asked me to do. This thought terrified me. I knew that if I surrendered fully to Christ as
Lord, He could very literally require anything of me. I had enjoyed being Christ’s partner,
for that was not very costly. As Christ’s partner, my life remained intact. I could pursue
personal goals while walking with Christ. I was sure I would not find it as pleasant to
subject myself fully to Christ as my Lord.
A period of wrestling ensued. It was a Gethsemane moment that has been repeated
numerous times in the years that followed. Would I die to my will and desires and accept
the life Christ chose for me? By the grace of God I did yield. In the twelve years since that
time I have been led down an afflicted path I would not have chosen. I have experienced
firsthand all that Christ spoke when He said:

Luke 14:26-27
“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and
children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My
disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My
disciple.”

Luke 14:33
“So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own
possessions.”

Relationships that were dear to me had to be laid upon the altar. Fellow ministers cast
me out from their midst. The honor I had formerly known among the body of Christ was
turned to reproach. I was led to surrender the world’s goods that I had accumulated over
many years. For a period of time I lived as a homeless man. I ended up as a resident at a
Rescue Mission, being led of the Spirit to spend more than three years there. I have twice
been put in jail as I have followed Christ. Life has not been a bed of roses. My soul’s desires
have had to be cast aside that I might pursue the will of my Lord.
Christ made it known to me that we could not operate as partners. There could only
be one Head in our relationship. I had to embrace the role of a bondservant. Most
Christians today are partnering with God. Death to self has not been embraced.
Women today are mirroring with their husbands the same relationship most men have
with Christ. They come into the relationship with dreams and desires of their own, and they
expect their partner to help them achieve their soul’s aspirations. Christ did not approach
the Father in this manner, and neither must we act toward our head in this way.

John 6:38
“For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who
sent Me.”

As a man who has been given Christ as head, my confession must be, “I did not
become Christ’s disciple to do my own will, but the will of Christ.” Similarly, the woman
who has man as head must say, “I did not enter into this union to pursue my will, but the
will of my husband.”
In the previous chapters I wrote of the Jezebel spirit’s tendency toward self-exaltation.
Jezebel made herself a partner with her husband, King Ahab. She did not present herself
to Ahab as a maidservant to wash the feet of his servants. Jezebel had her own agenda. Hers