Page 95 - Living Epistles

distress at the cost of all I possessed.

It will scarcely seem strange that I was unable to say much to comfort these
poor people. I needed comfort myself. I began to tell them, however, that they
must not be cast down; that though their circumstances were very
distressing there was a kind and loving Father in heaven. But something
within me cried, "You hypocrite! telling these unconverted people about a
kind and loving Father in heaven, and not prepared yourself to trust Him
without a half-a-crown."

I was nearly choked. How gladly would I have compromised with
conscience, if I had had a florin and a sixpence! I would have given the florin
thankfully and kept the rest. But I was not yet prepared to trust in God alone,
without the sixpence.

To talk was impossible under these circumstances, yet strange to say I
thought I should have no difficulty in praying. Prayer was a delightful
occupation in those days. Time thus spent never seemed wearisome and I
knew no lack of words. I seemed to think that all I should have to do would
be to kneel down and pray, and that relief would come to them and to myself
together.

"You asked me to come and pray with your wife," I said to the man, "let us
pray." And I knelt down.

But no sooner had I opened my lips with "Our Father who art in heaven,"
than conscience said within, "Dare you mock God? Dare you kneel down and
call Him Father with that half-crown in your pocket?"

Such a time of conflict then came upon me as I have never experienced before
or since. How I got through that form of prayer I know not, and whether the
words uttered were connected or disconnected I cannot tell. But I arose from
my knees in great distress of mind.

The poor father turned to me and said, "You see what a terrible state we are
in, sir. If you can help us, for God's sake do!"

At that moment the word flashed into my mind, "Give to him that asketh of
thee." And in the word of a King there is power.