Page 92 - Living Epistles

a penny red cabbage with three halfpence worth of vinegar, which made me
a large jar-full. So you see, at little expense I enjoy many comforts...

What a glimpse is here afforded into his deeper life during that winter at
Drainside ! " I cannot tell, I cannot describe how I long to be a missionary,
to carry the Glad Tidings to poor, perishing sinners. . . . For this I could give
up everything, every idol, however dear . . . I feel as if I could not live if
something is not done for China."

This was no mere emotion, no superficial interest that might give place to
considerations of personal advantage.

It was not that he had taken up missionary work as a congenial branch of
Christian activity, but that the need of the perishing in heathen lands, the
need and longing of the heart of Christ-" them also I must bring "-had
gripped him and held him fast...

Yet much as he longed to go, and go at once, there were considerations that
held him back.

"To me it was a very grave matter," he wrote of that winter, "to contemplate
going out to China, far from all human aid, there to depend upon the living
God alone for protection, supplies, and help of every kind. I felt that one's
spiritual muscles required strengthening for such an undertaking. There was
no doubt that if faith did not fail, God would not fail. But what if one's faith
should prove insufficient? I had not at that time learned that even 'if we
believe not, yet He abideth faithful, He cannot deny Himself.' It was
consequently a very serious question to my mind, not whether He was
faithful, but whether I had strong enough faith to warrant my embarking in
the enterprise set before me.

O 'When I got out to China,' I thought to myself, 'I shall have no claim on
anyone for anything. My only claim will be on God. How important to learn,
before leaving England, to move man through God by prayer alone."'

He knew that faith was the one power that could remove mountains, conquer
every difficulty and accomplish the impossible. But had he the right kind of
faith? Could he stand alone in China? Much as he longed to be a missionary,
would such faith as he possessed be sufficient to carry him through all that
must be faced? What had it carried him through already, here at home?