Page 36 - The Road from Babylon to Zion

was not a righteous anger demonstrating a zeal for God. Rather, his anger was rooted
in his own self-pity and his offense that the people were once again grumbling about
his leadership when he was simply doing all that the Father had shown him to do.
When Moses struck the rock he was in actuality demonstrating anger toward God for
burdening him with a rebellious people who kept falsely judging him. His self-pity
manifested in this action.

Later, we see in the story of Elijah that he too came to a point of self-pity. After
spending three years in isolation, knowing that if King Ahab caught him he would kill
him, he then called all Israel together to confront the prophets of Baal. Elijah was
outnumbered 850 prophets to one. He knew what it was to stand alone in obedience
to Yahweh. He saw Yahweh perform a great sign, and all the false prophets were
killed. He then outran Ahab to Samaria and overheard Jezebel saying that she would
kill him before another day had passed. In great weariness of soul and body he fled
to the wilderness where he lay under a tree wanting to die.

In both of these instances, the self-pity of these men led to their mantles being given
to another. Moses was replaced by Joshua and Elijah by Elisha. Even though their
self-pity kept them from advancing further, these men were not rejected by Yahweh.
We see that they are the two who appear with Yahshua on the mount of
transfiguration. They represent the remnant who are being called forth in this day.
It is therefore a caution that their same failing should be found among the remnant
and also be a point of disqualification.

As I lay on my bed and considered this, I was made aware that I and many others are
being tested in this regard. Many of us have endured isolation, rejection, and false
judgment. Many of us have also endured members of our families rejecting the truths
Yahweh has revealed to us, and we have experienced family members taking sides
with others against us. To add to our temptation to self-pity, many have also
experienced financial lack and we have had the necessity laid upon us of working to
support our families while pursuing the fulfilling of the ministry entrusted to us by
Yahweh.

I know that for myself, this has added to my complaint against God, and my feelings
of self-pity. I have thought that at the very least that Father should reveal His
provision where it is unnecessary for me to work and to write at the same time. I
have felt like the ox that was muzzled while threshing the grain. When so many false
ministers are growing fat from the offerings of the church, there is seemingly no
provision at all for those who are ministering in righteousness and truth.

Father began to show me that these seeds of self-pity have been present in my mind,
and if they are not uprooted and cast away that they will bear fruit and cause me to
be rejected for further progress in the kingdom. I was led to confess these things and
to ask Father to deliver me from the peril of self-pity.