Page 94 - Sarah's Children

The teaching that much of the church has adopted says that marriage should be a
democracy, and the man and woman should be co-leaders together in all of life’s
decisions. This certainly is in keeping with the trend of Western society where
patriarchal order is seen as archaic and backward, where men are condemned as
chauvinists, and oppressive and controlling figures if they insist on being the head
of their home. The weight of societal opinion is against any man or woman who
would proclaim Yahweh’s governmental order.

There are tremendous obstacles to overcome should any man desire to walk in the
order established by Yahweh. A man may have to deal with the unwillingness of his
own wife to submit to his headship. This resistance can be quite extreme, even to the
point where a woman would rather leave her husband and divide a family than to
submit to her husband’s headship. Then there is the opinion of society to overcome.
The man may be painted as an overbearing brute who is insensitive to his wife’s
feelings. He may be labeled as a controller, as bossy, or as being prideful.

The man will probably have to contend with the objections of others in the church
whose households are ordered democratically, where the husband does nothing
unless the wife agrees. Undoubtedly there will be those who would see a man walking
in proper governmental order as being a threat to their own arrangement in their
household. The man may also have to deal with church leadership that has not dared
to proclaim man as the head of woman for fear of the firestorm that would result.
The pastor or elder may be fearful of the conflict that may result if the issue is
brought up, so he may try to dissuade any man from taking a stand on the matter.

These are not hypothetical situations, I have personally viewed them all first hand.
Yet I have concluded that it is impossible for a man to have Christ as his head, and
have his wife as an equal partner at the same time. What happens when the man
knows that Christ is leading him to do a particular thing, yet his wife is in adamant
disagreement? The man is then torn. Should he agree with Christ, or should he agree
with his wife? In such a situation a man actually has two heads. Christ is one head
and his wife is the other, and he can only act if the two are in agreement.

If agreement never comes then the man must choose between which head he will
follow. If he chooses to appease his wife and to thereby preserve marital peace, he
will have to disobey Christ. If he chooses to honor Christ as his head, then he will
have to disregard the demands of his wife. A man who places himself in the
precarious position of trying never to choose a course unless his wife is in full
agreement will be brought to a choice sooner or later of deciding whom he will obey.

There are many pastors and teachers of the word today who insist it is God’s will for
all decisions in marriage to be made by both husband and wife. I have even had some