Page 147 - Evidence of Things Unseen

and the book “The Mark of the Beast” flowed forth. The anointing of the Lord was more
evident upon this writing than perhaps anything else I had written to this time. Many of the
things revealed in this book came to me as I sat down to write, for I had formerly never
considered much of what was written. I felt incredibly helped by the Spirit as I wrote, and
I knew the Lord was fulfilling what He had promised. When I had said I wanted back in the
game, He was faithful to raise me to my feet and fill me with renewed strength and power
to continue.
I did not want a career ending injury, or even a season ending injury. I just needed a
breather. The Lord was then able to raise me back up again. Our Father in heaven deals
with us with great compassion. I have seen this over and over. In moments of pain He has
often given me some special token of His love, and when the fires of refining seemed
unbearable He would often take me out of the fire for a time and let things cool off.
At this time, God did not give me any understanding of the experiences we knew
during our months in Montezuma. I was still as perplexed as ever, but God encouraged me
to return to ministry without having the answers to all of my questions. The ability to
continue to follow Christ when things don’t make sense is another part of the maturity He
desires to see formed in us. I had to choose to know perplexity without giving in to despair.
I had to choose to continue in hope and confidence that God would fulfill all of His promises
to us if we would just follow Him wherever He would lead.
Over the next few months I continued to write and pray, and God enabled us to help
our friends with expenses by buying groceries and doing much of the cooking. At the end
of five months we knew it was time to move on once again. The Spirit was urging us to step
out once more and to trust Him for all of our provision.
This was a great test for me, for the last two homes God had led us to rent He only
provided the resources for us to pay the first month’s rent, and each time we ended up being
forced to move after only two months. His grace was seen in that He always had another
place prepared for us, yet I agonized over being subjected to the same circumstances again.
Once more I only had enough money to rent a home and pay the deposits, and we would
have to look to the Father to provide the resources for us to continue to remain there.
I was tempted at this time to insulate myself from the further possibility of enduring
more reproach and trials by seeking another job in the computer field, yet I knew in my
heart it was not the Lord’s will. It is a difficult thing to make ourselves vulnerable by
returning to a situation that is identical to one that we found to be very painful in days past.
It is not unlike someone who survives a plane crash forcing themselves to return to flying,
or someone who receives a painful injury returning to the same occupation in which the
injury was sustained. God knows our struggles, and He is sympathetic toward us. The word
of God states:

Psalms 34:18
Yahweh is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

He would lead us once more to make ourselves vulnerable before Him, but He would
also give us many assurances of His presence with us, and we would see His mercy
manifested on our behalf.